How great is the love of a mother?
and..
How great can a mom be?

I don't know.
I never know what's a mother's love like.
except for my nanny.
my mom have too many kids, and i'm of those
she doesnt give damn.

i'm 21 this year, a girl who persuades a
stable life but failed to fulfill.

study- zero
career- zero
love- zero
money- zero

how pathetic can my life be?

0-3 years old my life was great living
with my nanny and father.
but ever since my mom brought me back
till 14, i always earn canning and beating
up. can't even persuade my love.
bearing almost 11 years of my stepfather's
violence.

crying? no, cause the heart is bleeding.

just because she made a wrong decision in
marrying my sister's dad, we're all put
down together. 11years with my stepfather
was unbearable and torturous, but
apparently my mom thinks it's what i deserve
at that time, but i don't.

she makes me and my elder sister take care
of my youngest sister, i did most of the job.
for 14years, i promise i done a good job,
but who remembers?

now, just because my mom wants a court
case with my stepfather, she's using the
times when my stepfather hits me to achieve
what she wants. telling me to write a letter,
in remembrance of the tragic times.
I'm suffering.

I gave up everything for this family,
giving in to my mother's command, and yet
she blames everything on me.
I lost two boyfriends already.
all the threatens she puts on me,
was as torturous as a person on hot charcoal.

14years of looking after my little sister,
a FUCK was what I really deserve from her.
it's OKAY. i'm okay..

everything my mom do, her business and
shops, i was ALWAYS there to assist.
and yet, she complains i disappoint her,
wasn't doing what she expects.
she doesn't inform anything in whole,
just expect you to think through
how she will expect it to be.

GOD,
i am tired, i am not the most unfortunate
person on earth, but you saw everything happened
to me. Telling others, they won't understand or
see everything that happened. Please, show
me some mercy I just want a peaceful life.
I am not healthy nor wealthy from the start,
just a peaceful family will do.
letting me live the life I wanted.


When good things come along, I wasn't a part
of it. When bad thing reaches, I was always
a part of it. Why?
I quit my job, to assist my mom..
wake up early 6.30am every morning to
chinatown manage the eating house,
cook.. cashier.. serve. can't eat properly
cant sleep properly, severe backaches
and yet i deserve "YOU'RE NOT RELIABLE"

she's a 55years old woman with eight kids,
and she wants her future.
I'm a 21years girl, with NO future.

the ONLY thing i wanted to give myself
was my taiwan trip, which I've been
planning very seriously.
but all she did was, "iam going to CUT ur pay"

sigh, life's unfair.
people who're too nice deserve to die.

she says no one understand her hard times,
who doesn't have hard times?
who's not tired?

i'm just too soft-hearted,
and i deserve to DIE immediately!
i hope i can see God tonight in my
dream, i believe He will have time for
me, to throw out my unhappiness.
God, I'll see you in my dream tonight
okie?
Blogged @ 08:36
Don't let me go -