hard life...

maybe england's where i belong.
i learnt alot from these 7 months.

everyone's really moving on wit their lives,
i have to do the same. 2008's nearly over..
i am feeling rather tense. i've a very
big urge of crying.

i've no one to share my future with, just
perharp i've to make my world on my own.
on my long way home from boon keng, no energy
to play mahjong, just feel like going home.
didn't eat the kfc i bought, was too difficult
to swallow with sadness burping out my throat.

i knew tears was coming out, so i didn't turn
and say goodbye. listen to the saddest song i
could come out with, and cry alone to the bus
stop. thank goodness, i got on 31 with not alot
of people, i sat at the left corner of the last
row, where i always used to sit when k' is around.

uncontrollable tears accompany me
through the journey, i missed jiamin, ruilin jie.
i just wanna go back uk so badly. that's where i
belong and where i can see myself.
sending jm away, it's like sending my pillar of
comfort away.

liking a person, can be quite a hard thing in life.
in my concept dictionary, i will let others through.
i will matchmake the one i like, with someone else
than myself. i am just not selfish enough..
and i hope, they can be together.

i just wanna work hard, and go back to the place
i belong and find myself back.
the place to live here's also a big problem.

i think crying alone is my biggest comfort.
i want to go sleep.

"sometimes, i also want to be that little girl
under your arms and comfort, but i know i won't
be YOUR little girl, goodbye"
Blogged @ 08:32
Don't let me go -

a long memorable breezy christmas

christmas eve,
was a day full of surpise and fun.
let me start from beginning..

i went to work, supposedly, everyone
should just receive their xchange gifts,
but somehow my colleague all dig their
pocket fer presents. i pre-prepared some
also. but when i reach office, my table
was full of present. touch* awww...

everyone was in xmas mood, as everyone
was awaiting fer the buffet. was a busy
morning, need to complete my work though.

the food was good, and receive one fifty
dollar taka vouchers and one twenty dollars
isetan voucher from bosses. very contented.
so blessed.

went home at 1.30pm, sat train tgt wit my
colleague, germaine. i went home, got my
stuff out. and went to bathe and went to
meet huijing at her house.

we sat a bus to plaza singapura, meet wenhan
to go eat manhattan which i own wenhan.
the christmas was delicious, but expensive.
then we went to sing kbox at cineleisure, walk
there drenched.

oh well, nice singing session. after singing we
went esplanade, and walk all the way through clarke
quay, pass by my bro's workplace, waved to him.
haha, he's surpised. well, he was working very
hard.

we walked all the way to boat quay where all the
clubs are, and count down to xmas there.
then started super texted everyone, merry xmas.
went liang court's mac, sat down fer a drink, then..
took a cab to wenhan house fer three player mahjong.
well, it's kinda of fun u noe.

then we play till 4am, i treat them to mac's
breakfast and reach home at 5. wash up, and turn
in.

then i woke up at 12 plus, receive alot of msg,
and calls. whaha, stayed home"... then went out
wit huijing. we went to cathay fer a walk, we
went to have ben&jerry. then we walked to heeren
to shop.

around 6, we walk back to ps to meet wenhan fer
movie at 7pm. we watched bedtime stories..
i would say four stars. i expect it to be much
funnier than bolt.

anyway, met huiyi after tat. fer quick dinner at
long john. then the quarrel begins..
well.. regarding that day. nothing much to say.
i will of cos forgive and forget fer the very
last time. becos i don wanna end friendship,
nearly the end of the year.

TGIF, know what it means? in UK, it means
THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. just have to work today
and it's weekend. i wan to spend my weekend
sleeping. i need to recover from my pimples,
eye bag and loads.

back to work le, i hope everyone had fun yesterday.
and..

wish all of you luck, happiness and prosperity
in the upcoming 2009! moooo mooo, it's the year
of the COW!


"i never regretted loving you, you were my life
last time.. but now i guess you're just an
acquaintance like i never expected"
Blogged @ 09:50
Don't let me go -

my longest anger..

i broke my record, i am angry at someone
fer more than three days.
let's elaborate, shall we?

practically, i was suppose to have a
wonderful weekends, but unfortunately some
freaks just ruining it.

when i ended work on friday, my brother called
me, telling me there's four free tickets to go
watch fareneheit. i was very interest. so i caled
xiuling along. we were rushing, and i took bus to
tiong bahru and got up on green line to go kallang.
reaching tiong bahru, i was feeling uneasy.
afraid that i might see the person i don wish to see.
then my phone was dying on me. my bladder was
triggering. met xiuling at station then we took
a cab to indoor stadium. and my brother was there
too. he was irritated by the fact that his legs
were too long, and he stucked.

then i went to get my tickets. then leisure park
fer dinner. we went in first, well apparently..
there's this crazy loud fan sitting next to us.
swinging her lights, shining "fen lun hai".
pathetic. we were entertained by her all night.
fen lun hai, were good. their performance was
excellent.

sent xiuling her to the cab,
then i went to meet my god sister, and my brother
at the 24hour mac nearby, which i spend 30min
looking fer outside the damn cold night.
went back to my god mother's house fer the night.
woke up in the morning, acc her to the market.
they brought me to breakfast, i was damn fulled.

then went back, have a great 3hours nap.
good nap, damn awesome. woke up, rush home, changed
and went to shirleen's wedding with my both
sister. btw, shirleen's my senior back in st. margs
and she's my sister's close friend.

it was grand at novotel hotel. the ballroom's
very classy. the food was very appetizing until
someone ruin my night.

i was suppose to meet huijing they all at clarke
quay at nine. receives no. of calls saying that my
hy and her boyfriend is fighting. they kept calling
and calling, so i stopped, and rush over by cab.
huijing brought me to them. iam trying to knock
some senses and maturity into their heads.
EVERY single time, we come out they have to FIGHT.
100% guranteee chop must fight. if u
don have the abilityto be in a r/s,
then don't! wtf, saying those hurtful
words and regret it.

while i was telling them off, that boyfriend starting
shooting me like it's my damn fault. he said like
it's all my fault they fight. he was so agitated that
he shouting at me and saying me CHEE BAI.

all i done for them and to them. i don't deserve that
word out of their both mouth. i can forgive easily,
but not this time. that word coming out of his
fcuking mouth, is lighting the fire even more.
it's five of us, they fight, three of us have
to be the sacrific lamb. they think everything has
to be about them. always about them.
all of us were pissed off by their childishness.

they can fight, and get everyone involved,
then seconds later, they're back loving again and
pushing us away. really, fucked up.
i have never been angry at someone fer so long.
i experience my first time, and the fire's still
there. and it's uncomfortable. i find it hard
to forgive, after 12years of good friend we are..
i am just a word to describe, 'chee bai' .

i don't need appreciation, i don't need praises,
just respect.

i should really stopped being so nice. i will
trying my fucking best to stop being so nice.
after that words spoken. i brought the rest.
continue our programme, leaving the two freaks there.

went club, at rebel. music was ok, but not good
at the middle. wenhan treated us to 'street' like
hk cafe. the food was ok, playing zhang dong liang's
concert was pretty heartwarming. at least i rest
my anger at that moment.

wenhan left us to meet his friends, cos he find
rebel's music and light was harming. but
he treat us to drink at mac's, really appreciate his
givings.

went home at 4, reached home. slept. woke up at 9,
when to nanny's house, eat then went out wit them.
to buy sofa. then toa payoh to take a walk. then
we kovan. it was really fine day, i enjoyed myself.
they purchased quite alot of things, and treat me
to alot of things. they're my life greatest
debtor. kindness i can't think of how to repay.

went home at ten. bus journey was long but
comfortable. thinking of going kbox on xmas
eve. it's time to enjoy..

i will start accompanying my other friends.

those friends "hy and samuel" can go on with
their childish life without sparing thoughts fer
others.



i wanna end this year, happily (:
Blogged @ 21:43
Don't let me go -

fever, sore throat and terrible flu


flu's really hunting me this time, heavy fluid.
causing my breathin problem. i took mc today,
one part of it is, applying visa to uk and really
ill.

this morning, really frustrating. i was actually
on time fer the 238bus, but some kind of traffic
restriction, it's only one side operating.
i board the bus at 08.24am, but the bus took a
big old round at lor 8, reach central at 08.52am.
it's so freaking awesome, so i decided not to go
work.


these few days, i really wanna study. but just
feel like sleeping more than studying.
after iwent embassy, i went home and took a good
nap and watch tv. then i went polyclinic to see
a doctor. polyclinic, what does it mean?
= cheap clinic. i told the doctor i am ill, he
just asked me, "need mc right? ok, pay at counter
8". fed up, then i went kopitiam bought something
to eat fer lunch.

meet xiuling fer dinner last night, it seem like
we haven't meet fer years, haha. she's look good
to me, and she's also blissfully in love with
her 3years boyfriend. so envious, wish her luck.
and do hope fer more meetup, ... fer more gossip.

i am actually reading a storybook, twilight.
i am so influenced by robert pattinsoon, he's just
so affectionate, cool, good looking and charming
at the same time. i don usually like angmoh,
i guess he's the one and only type. many
people can't believe i am actually reading a
storybook. it's surpising to my both sisters.
but i only take time fer the book i like.
like twilight saga books, it's going to be
a collection fer me.


well, i am pretty tired easily nowaday,
which mean i am turning in.
life's still pretty boring. just live it.
Blogged @ 08:58
Don't let me go -

monday blue

friday..

knocked off early tat day, work's loading.
meet my gang at 8 actually, but they wanna meet
early, so i went staight from work.
iam second last to reached. i was feeling
pretty tired, but it's not worth to waste
my friday night. went to kallang market to have
our dinner, food was reasonable ok, not delicious.
and wasn't feeling happy that day.
then samuel wasn't feeling well, and bff wasn't
happy. but at last we still drag her fer
mahjong session at wenhan's house.
went home at 2am.. sleep.

saturday...

went to buy school books wit my sister, at
first toa payoh secondary school, it's my first
time going in that school, look pretty nice outside.
then went HP to get my desktop and mom paid fer
my repair. broke already, it was so sunny that afternoon
and i still have to carry my desktop.
argh, then it started raining when we reached the bus
stop, damn awesome. so cooling.
93bus was air-conditioned, abso-fucking-lutely awesome.
reached home around 3 ish, called wenhan.
meet him and samuel at tpy central, and went dhoby
ghaut to meet huiyi. bought our movie ticket at plaza,
we watching 'the day the earth stood still'. i will
give it a 2 star. pretty boring show. before
movie, we had our dinner at hk cafe, samuel's treat.
then went wenhan's house fer mahjong till 4.


sunday...

meet gang up at 12. was late, cos i overslept, raining
can't bear to wake up. pull myself tgt, and get ready.
i was drenched by the rain, went marina.
bought 'twilight' movie ticket. then went to have
pizza hut, then puma fer shopping. twilight's is
so awesome, robert pattinson who plays edward cullen
in twilight is a vampire who fall in love with bella
played by kristen. the twilight saga have four books..
twilight, new moon, esclipe then breaking dawn.
acheived bestseller fer the four books. and a new
book coming out, midnight sun. all written by
stephenie meyer. very interesting..
well, robert pattinson play edward so damn good.
make him so unresistable. then next book new moon
movie form, coming out next year end.
tentatively, 29 november 2009. so looking forward.
robert plays cedric in harry potter too, check him
out yea.

after the movie, we went to play pool.
i am crap at it, so i withdrew from the game.
we decide to take a walk at citylink, not long
after they decide to head home, for me..
i went to meet my sister, and brought her
to plaza to watch TWILIGHT again! haha..
coincidentally, met my brother and his girl-
friend at plaza. gave us coupon fer free combo.
saved money. he told me he was watching 'zack and
miri make porn' but he called me after he reached
home that he was actually watching twilight -.-
lame..flew home with taxi.


headed straight to bed. wasn't very happy this
weekend, but oh well, there're ups and downs.


turning in.. good night everyone
Blogged @ 09:09
Don't let me go -

it's a sickening day


i've been sick fer 1andhalf week. and still not
recovered. i donno how long this gonna last.
but i sure know i'll be dying if don recover.

today, overtime. pathetically tired.
i dragged myself to finish my packing of documents
by tonight. really sick, heavy flu.

i addicted to mahjong already, my hand gets
itchy if i don play. but sometimes we don play
cash. there's five of us in our group, two girls are
sisters. so there's four different houses, as long as
we want, we could play at any homes.

funny.

i was early fer work today, surpisingly.
bought macdonald breakfast, pushed myself to finish
the breakfast, i've urge of throwing up.
but iam not pregnant, haven't had sex since.
i am just sick, and i didn't had my lunch.

i am stucked in thinking, whether or not to go
united kingdom to study my university now.
we've the credit, but i hope it would be september than
january. i can't possibly celebrate my 21st there, a
big NO WAY.

so i've to think to plan. well, my future is most
important, i need some time to think really.
too much coming in, nothing's going out.

money always an issue. i've to keep thinking how
to earn more money. but only higher education can earn
u sufficient expenses.


.... deep in thought and yet dilemma.
Blogged @ 22:10
Don't let me go -

long weekend

becos of hari raya haji, our office can rest another day.
my sore throat still not sparing me. it's so difficult
for me to speak in the right tone of voice.

friday. knocked off at 6.45pm as others leave the office
well early than me. becos i stil have work on hand.
all my colleagues met at tanglin shopping centre fer the
farewell dinner. Indian cuisine, exceptionally normal
nothing special but i have a bad tummy after that. i didn't
went to partyworld as i was not feeling very well.

i met ling-jie and god sis at rebel. god sis, she went home
early around 2am. lingjie and me went home around 6am.
she was tired, vice versa. i took a cab home with my
voice half gone. the uncle scroll down four windows.
and he closed three, left mine open. the cab went through
expressway, the strong wind was blowing onto my face,
the feeling was so good, but it added on my pain .

from 6.30 i slept till 3pm. i was giddy, aching, headache,
coughing and a sore throat. I ate panadol extra and went to
lie down, i sleep and i sleep. woke up nearly 8.
went wit mom to supermarket, bought gorceries. went home
eat panadol extra slept.

i was tossing and turning since 12.30 till 3.34, hoping
i can have a little nap before i prepare myself at 5.
but it didn't work, i slept at 345am then wake myself
up at 515am. i was so afraid i might be late.
my father came and fetch us, wit breakfast. we were sitting
in the back of the lorry, so there's a big gap between the
door, so the wind was blowing in. the wind feel so good.
when we reached airport, we were searching fer terminal and
belt no. i waited 30mins fer both my brother and wenhan to
come out. then we follow wenhan's mom car to his house.
after he packed his stuff, we went to have roti prata near
his place, quite delicious.

then we went east coast to cycle, walk on the beach.
we went parkway parade, walk walk. then went mac fer drink.
then we went back to his house, play mahjong.
went cityhall, eat sakae sushi after meeting samuel.
then went back his house fer more mahjong (=

met 12.45pm next day, went beach road to buy samuel's
reservice stuff. went to eat chicken rice at beach road.
damn full plus waffles dessert. then we ps, wenhan went
lido, samuel went to cut his hair. i went to do express
pedicure. then we all went to watch movie, bolt.

went kopitiam to have our dinner then went samuel's house
pack his stuff and played mahjong until 10plus went home
sleep.


that's all fer the weekend. i pretty sick now, haven't
recover. i hope i won't be sick fer christmas. (:
Blogged @ 17:59
Don't let me go -

blurred future


sore throat, killing me.
i hate my voice like men's voice.
tonight clubbing again, forgive me dear god.
it's a great addiction for me.

yesterday jie came back from her company trip,
happily wit her stuff, we'all missed while she's away.
her noise and nonsense is not competitable at all. whaha.
meanwhile, my company trip is cancelled. iam so bloody angry.

tonight's my colleague's farewell dinner at tanglin mall eating
indian cuisine. I only know how to eat tandoori chicken.
that's all. and they're going partyworld after that. Iam going
to leave at 9plus ten. meeting jm at rebel.

then saturday night gotto stay at home like a good girl.
cos next bloody morning need to wake up and fetch the evil saint
back. but coincidentally, my little brother also coming back
from australia on the same flight as him, one stone kills two birds

i applied a part time job in alley bar.
yes, i am going to do thurs, fri, sat. less time to play.
i gotto really save up, many things need money.
a few more hundred bucks can let me more at ease.
i definately would be tired, but i've no choice.


oh well see how it goes.
Blogged @ 19:01
Don't let me go -

sigh, bad hair day



i just pin my hair right, so annoying .
i am so looking forward to my weekends, becos my pay's
coming and i am going to buy xmas present fer xmas xchange.
that person will be the most lucky person on earth, hohoho!

i can smoke, and not get addicted ..
i can drink, and not get addicted ..
but when i club, i get this addiction. it's 'oh shit' type.
iam really tired the every next day, but the music're so
nice can't resist.

yesterday OT until 8 plus. reached home around 9.
so freaking super shagged, no time fer badminton. pissed off
everyone has been so busy with stuff and work lately..
so am i, haven't visit my brother and nanny fer long time.
need to make some effort.

hmmm, need to wake super duper early this sunday becos
that stupid jerk coming back so.. gotto fetch him
i didn't send him off previous time, make it up la.
and main reason, the present from australia. evil laughs*
muhahaha.

i never felt so bored in my life, nevertheless my table
still have alot of shit that need to be completed.
sigh, days are bad.

i shall be living more steady. so my future can be seen.
Blogged @ 21:37
Don't let me go -

heatening eyes


my eyes are overheated. i can't really see clearly..
and the christmas tree's giving me a sore eyes.
becos of my plant allergies. itchy and hot.

i had my sausage muffin w/ egg meal for breakfast,
when i start eating, alot of discomfortable, a feeling
of rejecting food. now, i don have any appetite fer lunch.
my eyes' burning.

yesterday got OT, until quite late. then germaine send me
to toa payoh central, i went to meet my mom. then went home
tgt. my mom cooked.. but but but..
she put too much 'rice wine' into the sesame chicken.

but taste great. then after shower, watch my taiwan drama
'love bread'. then chat to jeremy fer awhile on the phone then
went to sleep.

wake up at 7.30 today, i was quite surpised and i reach
work pretty early today. i clear all the costing today,
big relieve, now my office table looks abit more tidier.
Blogged @ 19:12
Don't let me go -